Florida 41, Ohio State 14: What the Fuck Happened?

I am at a loss for words. This was by far, BY FAR, the worst Ohio State game I have ever seen. The Buckeyes were outplayed in every facet of the game, and, even more shockingly, were completely outcoached. For therapeutic reasons, I must now sort through this mess. Join me if you will.

• TED GINN SHOULD HAVE JUST DOWNED THE OPENING KICKOFF
Of course I don’t actually think Ginn should have downed the ball, especially since his return ended up being Ohio State’s highlight of the night. In hindsight, however, one could argue that the quick score hurt the Buckeyes on two fronts. First, had Ohio State started the opening drive at say the 35 or so and had gone on a sustained scoring drive, it would have put the Gators defense back on its heels. While it could be argued that the Ohio State offense is incapable of completing a sustained scoring drive versus the Florida defense, I believe that on the opening drive Florida wouldn’t be playing defense the way they were for the remainder of the game. After Ginn returned that kick, Ohio State felt like the game was theirs, and Florida had to be having their doubts. When the Gator offense came out and marched right into the end zone, however, the entire Florida team was galvanized and truly believed that they could beat the Buckeyes. Ohio State, on the other hand, realized that beating Florida wasn’t going to be easy, and the offense came out timid against the now-fired-up Gator defense. The result was an ugly three-and-out that set the tone for the rest of the game. Which brings us to…

• THE FIRST TWO OFFENSIVE POSSESSIONS OF EACH TEAM TOLD THE ENTIRE STORY
What I mean by this is that if someone had watched only those two possessions, they would have seen how the entire game went. Why is that? Well, Ohio State never once made an adjustment or changed their play-calling, so Florida just kept doing the exact same things that worked every single goddamn time! The two biggest problems Ohio State needed to adjust? Well, first…

• GET THE OHIO STATE CORNERS ON THE FUCKING LINE OF SCRIMMAGE
For the entire game, regardless of down or distance, the Ohio State corners were at least 7 yards off of the line of scrimmage, and were often joined by James Laurinaitis and the other Buckeye linebackers. Why? Why? WHY? Florida’s longest pass completion was 20 yards, and I’m sure that most of that yardage was run-after-catch since I can’t recall Florida attempting one pass longer than 10 yards. If that’s the case, why not get your secondary up on the line? If Florida then beats you deep, then adjust again, but at least you’d make the Gators change their game plan. Instead, Jim Tressell just allowed Chris Leak to run a clinic on manning the Urban Myer offense. And speaking of Chris Leak, why not fucking blitz him? I counted five times when the Buckeyes just showed blitz and Leak’s reactions were: timeout, false start, timeout, throw away, false start (on a running back). Leak pissed himself at the mere hint of a blitz. Why the hell wasn’t he blitzed more? On the other side of the ball…

• THE NCAA DID NOT SUSPEND CHRIS WELLS OR ANTONIO PITTMAN
So why the hell didn’t they get to run? Here’s the big numbers for Pittman and Wells: Pittman-9 carries, 62 yards (6.9 yard average!), 1 TD; Wells-3 carries, 9 yards. Now I know the Buckeyes were trailing most of the game, but it didn’t become pass-every-down time until the 4th quarter. Why couldn’t OSU’s top 2 backs get more than 12 carries between them? It’s not like the passing game was so dazzling that Tressell was just sticking with what worked. Troy Smith, Heisman Trophy winner, had a fantastic 4-14, 35 yard day that included an interception and a fumble. You can’t blame him entirely, however, since none of his receivers could get open and his line was somewhat iffy (but not as bad as you think they were). It didn’t help that Ginn got hurt on the first play from scrimmage, but that should have been even more reason to run. Oh, and speaking of the receivers not being open, I have a theory on that…

• TROY SMITH IS WHO I THOUGHT HE WAS
Let me start by saying that I love Troy Smith. He has torched Michigan 3 times, and lit up Brady Quinn and Notre Dame last year. He’s a winner, a seemingly good kid who has learned from past mistakes, and truly deserving of his Heisman Trophy. All that being said, Troy Smith is not going to be a good NFL quarterback. Why? First off, Troy Smith’s best trait is that he knows his limitations. While Brady Quinn may not have put up the efficient numbers that Smith did, Quinn also made throws that Smith—to his credit—would never attempt. Smith knows the throws he can and can’t make, and knows how to avoid making those throws he can’t make to protect himself from failure. Smith was also playing in an offense designed to protect him from failure. All of the routes, all of the protections, everything about the offense is designed to give Smith limited reads on the same sight lines. Most of the protections the Bucks ran tonight were max or near-max, leaving three or four options running routes, usually on the same side of the field. With Florida’s speed, they were able to shut off whichever side of the field Smith was trying to go to and attack him from the opposite side. The result was Smith holding the ball forever and the line being unable to protect that opposite side. Finally…

• FLORIDA PLAYED THE GAMES OF THEIR LIVES
Sometimes you just get beat, and Florida beat Ohio State soundly. The Gators played with more passion, with more aggression, and with more creativity. Urban Myer solidified himself among the elite coaches in the nation, while Jim Tressell suffered the first real blow to his previously unblemished reputation. I gotta wonder, though, what the the hell the Gators are going to do on offense next year. Is Tim Tebow going to run up the middle every single goddamn play, or does Myer have a quarterback waiting in the wings to throw the ball on almost every down Tebow isn’t in? Whatever. Fuck Florida, fuck Michigan, and fuck North Carolina, too. God, I feel like Mike Cooper right now.

Roddy Piper in...Pro Wrestling Insanity!

I just heard Roddy Piper has lymphoma over at Waste of Technology, which is a bummer. As a tribute or whatever, here's some fucking insane clips of the Rowdy one. Enjoy.

Piper in Alcatraz


Piper in Black Face (are you fucking serious?!)


Piper hits Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka with a coconut (and says some racist shit)


Piper smashes a beer bottle over his head for no good reason


Piper making homophobic statements


Piper insults Asians


Piper in the most insane fight scene in a movie ever (They Live)

Galloping Gertie

This clip is of the fall of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge on November 7, 1940. To read the full story, click here (Damn Interesting).