The 2012 NBA Awards (According To A Calculator)

Due to work, school, and my job search, as well as my lack of cable or a League Pass subscription, I have not been able to watch as much basketball as I would have liked this season.  What I have been doing is learning statistical analysis, and the more I learn, the more I respect what the boys over at Wages of Wins are doing.  While I'm not entirely sure they're always watching the games, either, their statistics jive the most with what actually seems to be going on on the floor.  So I present the 2012 NBA Awards, as presented by a calculator.  Enjoy.

2012 NFL Mock Draft

Seven rounds.  253 selections. 6,902 words.  100 percent accuracy.  This is the ultimate in mock drafts, and is a perfect representation of exactly what will go down next week.  I am pretty satisfied with what the Browns are going to do, but maybe you disagree.  Let me know.  For the first three rounds, my pinpoint-accurate analysis follows every pick, while for the last four rounds, I saved my analysis for only the Browns' picks.  Print this off, or load it up on the I-Pad, because this is Gospel, and it deserves to be read on the toilet.  Enjoy.

[EDIT: I accidentally have Oklahoma cornerback Jamell Fleming being selected twice in the third round, first by Washington at 69 and then by Kansas City at 74.  Fixing it would mean re-doing the entire draft after that point, which I simply cannot do.  I feel like I've let you down, but I guess this is what happens when I try to mock every round over the course of two all-night writing session.  Hopefully that's the only mistake, but if there are more, please let me know.]

2012 Cleveland Browns Schedule

The Browns' 2012 schedule is out, and, boy, is it a doozy.  So how bad is going to be?  Let's peek into the crystal ball and find out:

WEEK 1: Philadelphia Eagles 27 Cleveland Browns 13 (0-1)
GM Tom Heckert, head coach Pat Shurmur, and new offensive coordinator Brad Childress all have something to prove against their former employer in Philly, and the mauling laid on Mike Vick by Phil Taylor and Jabaal Sheard nearly makes a Browns victory a reality.  Knocking the former dog-drowner out of the game late in the third quarter while clinging to a 13-10 lead, the Browns' defense promptly goes on to get blitzkrieg-ed by a Mike Kafka-led assault.  On offense, rookie QB Brandon Weeden hits rookie wideout Ryan Tannehill (that's right, fools; H&H changed the game on you!  While everyone else was playing checkers, they were drafting two shitty QB's and moving one back to WR!!!!) for two TDs, but new long snapper Christian Yount bounces his second extra point snap off Phil Dawson's face.  Somewhere, Ryan Pontbriand smiles.