NFL Picks: Week 3

Sorry things have been so slow around here.  I'm getting back into the swing of things at school, so I probably won't be writing much until I get my feet under me (which might not ever happen, honestly).  Other than the time I need to spend reading and going to class and such, school has also robbed me of my elixir, the sweet, sweet nectar that is Ron Rico rum.  Without my muse, I'm afraid I'm lost, so this is going to be another quick post.  Home teams are in CAPS, the odds are Danny Sheridan's, and I've included an extremely hastily put-together Power Poll Rankings at the end.  Enjoy.

NFL Picks: Week 2

Holy shit.  I know I goof around about how awesome I am at picks, and then it's hilarious when I get a bunch wrong, but 5 correct picks?  Man.  As penance, I will try to restrict myself from getting too wordy this week and let the picks speak for themselves.  The home team is in CAPS, the lines are Danny Sheridan's, and the picks are most certainly not 100% correct.

NFL Picks: Week 1

This could be a long year.  First of all, I thought Mark Ingram was supposed to give the Saints the power back they needed?  I've never seen a running play stuffed as soundly as that last play was last night, and from the tepid way Ingram was hitting the hole, he wouldn't have scored even if the Packers hadn't guessed the play 100% correctly (it was like Mike McCarthy and Sean Payton both hit right and A in Tecmo Bowl).  Secondly, of the 15 games this Sunday and Monday, I picked eight underdogs, seven of which are on the road, which seems like a good way to dig myself an early hole in my picks competition against the universe.  Of course, if I'm wrong, I'm supposed to be, but if I'm right, I could be the best game-picker in the county!

NFL Picks: Week 7

While living in a white trash, backwards ass town in the middle of nowhere certainly has its drawbacks, every once in a while a shiny gem emerges.  For instance, on my way home from work this evening (actually, morning; I get off at midnight), I nearly ran over an overweight drunk kid riding a (Pow! Pow!) Power Wheels down the middle of the street.  I've never seen someone having so much fun.  A gem such as this cannot be pulled from my horrible week 6, however.  All I can do is regroup and rub my Troll doll's head a little harder.

NFL Picks: Week 6 (Rushed Edition)

I slept in, so the time I had allocated for writing this post was instead spent dreaming of rollercoaster rides with my dad (a recurring dream).  I actually did quite well winging it last week, so maybe it's better I don't have time to think again.

NFL Picks: Week 5 (On My Way To The Big Apple Edition)

I'm literally on my way out the door to NYC for a wedding, so these picks are going to have to be quick. (Maybe I'll do better just winging it.)

NFL Picks: Week 4

I was feeling it last week.  If I had remembered that Matt Hasselbeck was out, that tally would be 11-5 (although the 'Hawks almost pulled it out for me anyway).  While I missed the two games he gave me shit about (Seattle and Tampa Bay), I want my old buddy Tim to keep his eye on the dollar bills as I make it rain with my winnings.

NFL Picks: Week 3

Yowza.  Between my NFL picks and my college football picks, I'm in so deep that I've got guys named Nunzio after my foreskin.  Hopefully I can hold them off for one more week, because I'm having a hell of time trying to scare up a Mohel in Washington Court House.

NFL Picks: Week 2

What started out as a great weekend for my picks (at one point I was 8-3) turned to shit once the Sunday and Monday night primetime games were in the books.  Considering all three Packers-Bears was a miracle last-second non-cover (not to mention Washington's late touchdown to beat the spread), I'm not going to beat myself up over them.

NFL Picks: Week 1

 

I had planned on giving each pick a proper write-up, but unfortunately I have a killer headache (and a heavy heart following the Buckeyes heartbreaker vs. USC).  Therefore, each pick's only going to get a little blurb.  Following the picks is a tidy little summary of my divisional previews as well as my thoughts on the playoffs and award winners.  As always, the home team is in CAPS, the odds are Dan Sheridan's, and these picks are 100% accurate.

PITTSBURGH (-6) over Tennessee

I have an extended NFL picks post coming (on Sunday morning, I think), but I wanted to get this pick on the record before tonight's game.  Pittsburgh is at home, they're going to be getting their Super Bowl rings (I'm assuming), and these Thursday night openers are always blowouts.*

*Since the defending champs started hosting the season opener in 2004, the home teams are 5-0 with an average margin of victory of 12.8 points, with the only close game being the inaugural New England-Indianapolis 27-24 classic.

The odds are Kerry Collins is going to remember that he's Kerry Collins, and that the Titans defense is going to miss Albert Haynseworth.  Also, don't you think the Steelers are going to be looking for a little revenge for this?    

  

Lazy NFL Preview

AFC

East
y-New England 12-4
Buffalo 8-8
NY Jets 6-10
Miami 6-10

North
y-Cincinnati 10-6
x-Baltimore 9-7
Cleveland 9-7 (That's right. I believe the hype.)
Pittsburgh 7-9

South
y-Indianapolis 11-5
Jacksonville 9-7
Houston 6-10
Tennessee 6-10

West
z-San Diego 13-3
x-Denver 10-6
Kansas City 6-10
Oakland 5-11

Playoffs
Wild Card
Denver over Cincinnati
Indianapolis over Baltimore
Division
San Diego over Indianapolis
New England over Denver
Conference Championship
New England over San Diego

NFC

East
z-Philadelphia 11-5
x-Dallas 10-6
NY Giants 6-10
Washington 4-12

North
y-Chicago 9-7
Green Bay 8-8
Minnesota 7-9
Detroit 6-10

South
y-New Orleans 10-6
x-Carolina 9-7
Atlanta 7-9
Tampa Bay 5-11

West
y-Seattle 9-7
St. Louis 8-8
San Francisco 7-9
Arizona 7-9

Playoffs
Wild Card
Chicago over Dallas
Carolina over Seattle
Division
Philadelphia over Carolina
Dallas over New Orleans
Conference Championship
Dallas over Philadelphia

SUPER BOWL
New England over Dallas

MISCELLANEOUS
MVP: Drew Brees (New Orleans)
Offensive Player of the Year: Stephen Jackson (St. Louis)
Defensive Player of the Year: Champ Bailey (Denver)
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Adrian Peterson (Minnesota)
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Eric Wright (Cleveland)
Coach of the Year: Bobby Petrino (Atlanta)
Not As Bad As You Think (Team): Cleveland Browns (Honestly, there is too much talent on this team for them to go 4-12 or 3-13 as most in the national media predict. This is the best I've felt about a Browns team since they came back in 1999, and that includes the year they made the playoffs.)
Not As Good As You Think (Team): San Francisco 49ers. (If you combined the 49ers with the Cardinals, then you may be onto something. As it stands, both teams are still a year away.)
Not As Bad As You Think (Player): J. P. Losman (Buffalo)
Not As Good As You Think (Player): Ronnie Brown (Miami)
Best Division: AFC North
Worst Division: NFC West (not a single Super Bowl contender)
Best Offense: New Orleans
Best Defense: Oakland
Worst Offense: Kansas City
Worst Defense: Detroit

WEEK ONE PICKS

(Home Team In CAPS)

New Orleans (+6) over INDIANAPOLIS
MINNESOTA (-3) over Atlanta
ST. LOUIS (-1) over Carolina
Denver (-3) over BUFFALO
HOUSTON (-3) over Kansas City
WASHINGTON (-3) over Miami
New England (+6.5) over NY JETS
GREEN BAY (+3) over Philadelphia
CLEVELAND (+4.5) over Pittsburgh
Tennessee (+6.5) over JACKSONVILLE
Chicago (+6) over SAN DIEGO
Detroit (+2) over OAKLAND
SEATTLE (-6) over Tampa Bay
NY Giants (+6) over DALLAS
CINCINNATI (-2.5) over Baltimore
Arizona (+3) over SAN FRANCISCO