NFL Picks: Week 3

Sorry things have been so slow around here.  I'm getting back into the swing of things at school, so I probably won't be writing much until I get my feet under me (which might not ever happen, honestly).  Other than the time I need to spend reading and going to class and such, school has also robbed me of my elixir, the sweet, sweet nectar that is Ron Rico rum.  Without my muse, I'm afraid I'm lost, so this is going to be another quick post.  Home teams are in CAPS, the odds are Danny Sheridan's, and I've included an extremely hastily put-together Power Poll Rankings at the end.  Enjoy.

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In The Land: Week One

It's Power Poll Rankings time, son!  Get your Jager and meet me under the bridge!

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In The Land: Week Zero, Part 3

Finally, the 10 best teams in the league are here.  If you disagree, you are wrong.  This is truth, pure and undiluted.  Trying to deny it is trying to deny matter and energy.  You shall see.

(PART I)

(PART II)

10. New York Giants

A lot of people are down on the Giants this year, with Steve Smith gone to Philly, Kevin Boss gone to Oakland, uncertainty and turnover on the offensive line for the first time in years, and with a rash of injuries hitting an a seemingly non-stop rate.  Prince Amukamara, Justin Tuck, Jonathan Goff, and Osi Umenyiora are all out for week one, but I still feel confident the Giants can get back to the playoffs.  Eli Manning has thrown for over 4000 yards in back-to-back seasons, and his ridiculous interception rate (25 total, 4.6% of his pass attempts) should come back down to around league average, and Hakeem Nicks and Mario Manningham will do just fine without Smith and Boss.  The offensive line is in transition, but it is still talented across the board.  Losing both Tuck and Umenyiora would be a death knell for most clubs, but the Giants have Mathias Kiwanuka and Jason Pierre-Paul in reserve, who would both start for most teams.  The secondary will yet again be a problem, but Pierre-Paul and Kiwanuka should both exert enough pressure to keep things from reaching 2010 Houston Texans-level in pass defense.  Tom Coughlin's tenure in New York has been marked by its most successful seasons occurring when the rest of the league has written them off, and I like that trend to continue this season.

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In The Land: Week Zero, part 2

And now, part two of my preseason power rankings...

(PART I)

20. Chicago Bears
The Bears offensive personnel finally fits the mold of a Mike Martz offense, but think San Francisco or Detroit Martz, not St. Louis Martz.  Tight end Greg Olsen has been jettisoned to Carolina, eliminating a talented target at a position that Martz has never seen the value in including in his game plans (for evidence of how badly Martz neglects his tight ends, look up Vernon Davis's stats during Martz's reign with the 49ers and then after Martz was let go).  The receiving corps is deep but lacks top shelf talent, while the offensive line will be porous once again, leaving Jay Cutler exposed in a system that feels no need to keep any backs around in the backfield to pick up blitzes.  Last year's 7th round pick, Marcus Webb, is the starting left tackle, which means Bears fans may be seeing Caleb Hanie featured prominently at quarterback.  Matt Forte has yet to live up to the massive promise he showed as a rookie, but, again, his offensive line isn't doing him any favors.  The defense should again be very solid, but Brian Urlacher seems due for an injury after making it through last year relatively unscathed.  Oh, and Lance Briggs wants a trade.  The Bears were out-gained in four of their wins last year, and they also were gifted that absurd opener when Calvin Johnson's game-winning touchdown was taken away due to the worst interpretation of a rule ever.  The luck runs out this year, and the Bears will find themselves in last place in their division for the first time since 2007.

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams in the Land: Week Zero, part 1

The Indians are putting the final nails into their coffin versus Detroit, but I could care less, because the NFL season is upon us.  After getting a taste of football action last weekend on the collegiate gridiron, I am an open vessel eagerly awaiting Bengals at Browns to fill me with exhilaration, anxiety, and either angst or joy.  In order to prepare you (and myself) for the upcoming season, here's the first part of the first installment of my power rankings for you to consume, digest, and know in the most biblical of meanings.

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In The Land: Week 6

Power Poll Time!!!

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the Best 32 NFL Teams In The Land: Week 5

Unfortunately, during my whirlwind weekend in New York, I failed to catch one second of football.  Is that going to stop me from arbitrarily ranking NFL teams?  Of course not (does that look like a man who needs to see football to know football?).  Nothing can stop the POWER POLL!

Power Poll Rankings of the Best 32 NFL Teams In The Land: Week 4

I wasted nearly five hours watching the Browns lose, missed the epic Monday night showdown in Minnesota, and lost my second straight fantasy week.  My enthusiasm for the NFL is at a season-low, but here's some Power Poll Rankings for you anyway.

Power Poll Rankings of the Best 32 Teams In The Land: Week 3

The Browns have a quarterback controversy (with Nobody holding a slight edge over both Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson), Chad Pennington is out for the season, and New York has two very good football teams.  If it wasn't for that last part, I would say it's any odd-numbered year of this decade, but since both the Giants and the Jets are good, it must be Tuesday in 2009, which means it's time for POWER POLL RANKINGS!!!

Power Poll Rankings of the Best 32 NFL Teams In The Land: Week 2

The Monday Night Football game just ended 2 hours ago (approximately), so that can only mean one thing: more Power Poll Rankings!!!  (Note: last week's rank is in parentheses.)

Power Poll Rankings of the Best 32 NFL Teams In The Land: Week 1

For fans of the old days at Diminishing Skills (hi Matt), here's a real treat:  I've decided to bring back the Power Poll Rankings in lieu of an NFL recap.  The Power Poll has only one voter, but the identity of that voter may change from week-to-week.*  It doesn't really matter right now, but going forward, the Power Poll will take into account the entire season but will definitely place an emphasis on the previous week's performance.  Enjoy.

*No, it won't.

Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In the Land (Week 5)

32. Tennessee Titans 0-4 (29)

The Titans did the impossible by supplanting Oakland as the worse team in the league. Things are looking up, however, as a date with the Colts in Indianapolis looms this week.

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-3 (31)

The bye week didn’t keep me from remembering that the Bucs suck.

30. Oakland Raiders 0-3 (32)

They played a great first half only to have Randy Moss give an impassioned halftime speech that helped the Raiders remember that they are, in fact, the Raiders.

29. Detroit Lions 0-4 (28)

The Lions actually almost did get to forty this week, scoring 34 against the Rams. Unfortunately, the Rams scored 41.

28. Miami Dolphins 1-3 (19)

Mustering only 14 points against the horrendous Houston defense has to be a point of concern for Nick Saban and Duante “John Matrix” Culpepper (I told you he was on the take!).

27. San Francisco 49ers 1-3 (23)

After somehow beating the Rams in week 2, the 49ers have been defeated a combined 79-24 in their next two games, including a 41-0 loss to the Damon (yes, it is Damon) Huard-led Chiefs last week. I guess the 49ers mantra in training camp was “Beat the Rams!” and have just decided that “Mission: Accomplished, let’s go home.”

26. Green Bay Packers 1-3 (25)

How many Packers fans out there are hoping that Brett Favre’s injury will actually make him miss time? I am, if only to never hear about his fucking streak ever again.

25. Arizona Cardinals 1-3 (22)

Do you think Edgerin James would be willing to take less money to stay with the Colts, or do you think he’s just having a blast burning through his signing bonus by sending strippers to Kurt Warner, a noted Born-Again Christian?

24. Cleveland Browns 1-3 (26)

The offense looked pretty potent last week, but then the Browns should probably be disbanded if they can’t look potent against the Raiders.

23. Houston Texans 1-3 (30)

The Texans D and Mario Williams (1.5 sacks) finally gave the NFL’s highest rated passer David Carr (wow) some support. They were, however, playing a team quarterbacked by a man in the back pocket of Columbian drug dealer/game fixers.

22. New York Giants 1-2 (24)

I don’t really think they’re this good, but I forgot about them.

21. Kansas City Chiefs 1-2 (26)

I guess the Chiefs are better than those other boobs even with Damon Huard starting, but they still won’t make the playoffs if Trent Green doesn’t come back soon.

20. Minnesota Vikings 2-2 (13)

A big drop, but they did lose to the Bills. Brad Childress needs to be put on suicide watch if only to keep him and his ‘stache away from razors.

19. New York Jets 2-2 (16)

They may have lost, but they’re still feisty. (I have a feeling I’m going to be typing that a lot this year.)

18. Buffalo Bills 2-2 (20)

Between the Bills and the Jets, the Patriots will have four tough, tough wins on their hands this year.

17. Jacksonville Jaguars 2-2 (10)

Quite a drop, but I don’t think they’ll be here that long. The D really disappointed, though.

16. Washington Redskins 2-2 (21)

Apparently one of the Redskins’ 400 assistant head coaches is a voodoo witch doctor and has revived Mark Brunnell, only now he has ZOMBIE POWERS!

15. Pittsburgh Steelers 1-2 (15)

They didn’t play this week, so let me just note that you can read Jerry Porter and Bill Cowher’s chat session here.

14. New Orleans Saints 3-1 (11)

And thus begins the three game slide that will erase the Saints from the collective conscience of America.

13. St. Louis Rams 3-1 (17)

The Rams really blew a chance to stick it to Mike Martz. In fact, they may have been embarrassed by him, surrendering 34 points to the hapless Lions.

12. Dallas Cowboys 2-1 (18)

Perhaps TO can reach into that drawer he inexplicably keeps his 35 painkiller pills in and give one to Andre Gurode for his trampled head.

11. Carolina Panthers 2-2 (15)

The Panthers did what the Panthers do: struggle to beat an inferior team at home. Once the playoffs start, however, watch out. This team’s got some horses.

10. Atlanta Falcons 3-1 (12)

The Falcons beat the Cardinals by doing what they did to win their first two games: forcing turnovers and running the hell out of the ball. I can’t see moving them that far up until they prove they can throw the ball.

9. Seattle Seahawks 3-1 (6)

Maybe they will miss Shaun Alexander after all.

8. Cincinnati Bengals 3-1 (1)

Don’t feel too bad, Bengals fans. You thought you were ready for the Big Boys, and Pappa Belichick put you in your place. Maybe next year.

7. San Diego Chargers 2-1 (4)

I still think the Chargers are one of the top 2 or 3 teams in the league. The only question is if Marty will let them prove it.

6. Baltimore Ravens 4-0 (8)

Yes, the Ravens are undefeated, and yes, they beat a very good Chargers team, but they shouldn’t have, just as they shouldn’t have beaten the Browns. If they’re counting on Steve McNair to keep coming from behind to win, the Ravens are in for a disappointing finish.

5. Philadelphia Eagles 3-1 (7)

The Eagles should be undefeated, but who the hell have they played? Their first true test comes this week when TO and the Cowboys come to town.

4. New England Patriots 3-1 (8)

Belichick found a cure for Brady’s displeasure with his receivers: run, run, run the ball. That thrashing of Cincinnati reminded us all that Belichick is still a mastermind.

3. Denver Broncos 2-1 (5)

Just like after a Broncos win, everyone (including me) is wondering how the Broncos ended up here.

2. Indianapolis Colts 4-0 (3)

I believe that time will prove the Colts are a better team than the Bears, but Indy hasn’t asserted dominance in their conference (see the Jets game) like the Bears have.

1. Chicago Bears 4-0 (2)

Last week the Bears wrapped up their division; this week they wrapped up the conference. Two things to be wary of though: Rex Grossman will probably get hurt at some point and teams I rank number one immediately lose the next week (see Jacksonville and Cincinnati).

Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In the Land (Week 4)

Last week’s ranking in parentheses.

32. Oakland Raiders 0-2 (32)

The Raiders didn’t even play last week, and yet I have an intense urge to drop them further.

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-3 (30)

Say what you will about how shitty Chris Simms was (and he was quite shitty), but the guy’s got guts for playing with a ruptured spleen. Of course, he now has one less gut, but still.

30. Houston Texans 0-3 (29)

The Texans D somehow made the Washington Redskins offense look dangerous. Plus, they gave up a record 22 straight completions to a corpse.

29. Tennessee Titans 0-3 (31)

How good would Drew Bennett (16 catches, 235 yards) be if he had anyone other than Kerry Collins throwing to him? Don’t worry. We’ll know in one or two weeks.

28. Detroit Lions 0-3 (27)

It’s stupid how close the Lions are to being the worst franchise in any sport of the new millennium.

27. Cleveland Browns 0-3 (28)

Do-or-die time, Brownies. If you don’t beat the Raiders this week, I am done watching you for the year.

26. Kansas City Chiefs 0-2 (24)

I don’t really think they’re this bad, but as long as Damon (or is it Brock?) Huard is their starting QB, they will remain in the company of these other boobs.

25. Green Bay Packers 1-2 (26)

21 more TD passes until Brett Favre breaks Dan Marino’s all-time record, which also means 21 more TD passes until Favre has no reason left to play.

24. N.Y. Giants 1-2 (11)

The Giants are one quarter and an overtime period away from being 0-3, and two quarters and an overtime period away from being 0-3 with a point differential of 92 against versus 31 for, or -61 points (their actual point differential is 92 against versus 81 for, but 44 of the Giants’ points have come in the fourth quarters of their last two games and 6 came on that overtime touchdown by Plaxico Burress versus the Eagles). Ouch.

23. San Francisco 49ers 1-2 (21)

I would like to whole-heartedly thank the 49ers for getting steamrolled by the Eagles and for helping me stay alive in my King of the Hill contest. If I were there in San Fran, boys, you could certainly expect a kiss on each and every one of your starfishes.

22. 21. 22. Arizona Cardinals 1-2 (17)

If Dennis Green can jerk around naming his starting QB on consecutive days, then I can jerk around with the Cardinals’ ranking. And I know you’re reading, Dennis, so could you just stick with Warner for the sake of my fantasy team? Please?

21. Washington Redskins 1-2 (25)

Did that game against Houston prove that this is a different team when Clinton Portis is playing, or did it just remind everyone that Houston and number one pick Mario “I can’t even believe they passed on Bush” Williams are the worst defense in recent memory?

20. Buffalo Bills 1-2 (22)

Shouldn’t their helmets have a picture of a duck with an arrow pointing at its beak, or should I say bill?

19. Miami Dolphins 1-2 (23)

Congratulations, Miami. By beating Tennessee, you became the third member of what is sure to be an exclusive 14 member club.

18. Dallas Cowboys 1-1 (13)

Why the drop? Well, according to my source in Dallas, I had no fucking clue who to put here and just went with a team that had a bye.

17. St. Louis Rams 2-1 (18)

Kurt Warner finally paid back the Rams for giving him a shot as a starter by handing St. Louis their second win of the year. Kurt Warner, what a guy (but that wife of his is a stupid bulldyke cunt if you ask me).

16. N.Y. Jets 2-1 (16)

A tough win over a divisional opponent doesn’t move you anywhere when that divisional opponent is the Buffalo Bills.

15. Pittsburgh Steelers 1-2 (14)

15. Carolina Panthers 1-2 (15)

Sure, the Steelers got soundly thumped by the Bengals, and yes, the Panthers struggled against the Bucs, but I’m not anywhere near ready to write these two off yet.

13. Minnesota Vikings 2-1 (10)

I fear the day when the Vikings go on a losing streak and Brad Childress feels compelled to shave his ‘stache to turn the tide. Don’t do it, Brad! Please, God, don’t!

12. Atlanta Falcons 2-1 (2)

I know the Falcons were in a no-win situation against the Saints, but c’mon. It looked like Jim Mora, Jr. and his staff honestly thought that no one could ever stop their running game, so they therefore didn’t even bother working on the passing game. I know Mike Vick isn’t ever going to be Peyton Manning, but the guy’s got some skill. There’s no way he’s that bad throwing the ball unless he and his receivers just never got the time needed to work together.

11. New Orleans Saints 3-0 (20)

Guess what? I’m still not buying it. The Saints have won against the Browns, the Packers, and in a game that there was absolutely no way they were going to lose. I heard Chris Myers today on Fox Sports Radio talking about how the Saints have become America’s team. Honestly, when the Saints lose three in a row and five of six, no one in America is going to care about them, including people in New Orleans who, in case you forgot, have an entire city to rebuild. So, yes, it was great that the Superdome is back open and functional and that the rest of America can get closure on the whole Katrina catastrophe even if the end is nowhere in sight for the actual victims of it. Now can we please stop. Please?

10. Jacksonville Jaguars 2-1 (1)

So they got beat by Indy in Indy. Big deal. They’ll get the Colts back in Jacksonville. Just watch.

9. Baltimore Ravens 3-0 (5)

I’d bitch at these guys for scheduling pasties (Tennessee, Oakland, and Cleveland) if I actually gave a damn about their STD-ravaged town or their knife-wielding acquitted middle linebacker.

8. New England Patriots 2-1 (8)

I have vocally supported the Deion Branch trade, and will continue to do so, but maybe the Pats should have checked with Tom Brady before pulling the trigger. Not only does Brady lack any kind of trust in his receivers, he seems to genuinely despise them.

7. Philadelphia Eagles 2-1 (11)

The Eagles should be 3-0, although it still wouldn’t be that impressive since those wins (or should-be wins) have come against the Texans, the Giants, and the 49ers. Up next: Green Bay. Jesus, who made their schedule, Brian Billick?

6. Seattle Seahawks 3-0 (9)

Even though Shaun Alexander is out indefinitely (as my good friend and fantasy opponent Bob has pointed out about 73 times in the past 18 hours), I don’t see it affecting this team that much. Alexander hasn’t done shit this year, and now that he’s out, he’ll still be doing shit. Looks like a push to me.

5. Denver Broncos 2-1 (19)

It looks like the Broncos are going to have one of those years where every week they’re going to look like shit—win or lose—and the next thing you know they have a first round bye in the playoffs. Ugh.

4. San Diego Chargers 2-0 (5)

The bye week hurt the Cowboys, but helps the Chargers as I completely forgot about them until now.

3. Indianapolis Colts 3-0 (3)

They did what they were supposed to, holding serve at home against the Jaguars. Once they beat the Jags in Jacksonville, they will easily move up.

2. Chicago Bears 3-0 (5)

The Bears have just set the record for being the fastest team to ever clinch a divisional title, having already beaten all three of their NFC North brothers.

1. Cincinnati Bengals 3-0 (4)

The Bengals should join the Bears following Cincinnati’s imminent November 5 trouncing of the overrated Ravens.

Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In the Land (Week 3)

32. Oakland Raiders 0-2

They’re not, uh… they’re not good.

31. Tennessee Titans 0-2

The Titans just traded Billy Volek to the Chargers, ending my crazy fantasy experiment of drafting him and Drew Bennett and having them go nuts whenever the Titans faced a team with a great offense but shitty pass D. Unfortunately, Jeff Fisher decided it was more prudent to go with Kerry Collins and his 1.9 QB rating. Alas, I can only wonder what could have been.

30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-2

Where’s Shaun King when you need him?

29. Houston Texans 0-2

If the Texans could play D, they might be alright (league worst 67 points given up in the first two games). Man, if only they had taken some defense with the first pick instead of reaching for the stars with Regg- Oh, that’s right. Never mind.

28. Cleveland Browns 0-2

The best news about this week: a showdown with Oakland is only 13 days away.

27. Detroit Lions 0-2

Most people hated when Roy Williams said it was “stupid” how close the Lions were to scoring 40 in their 9-6 loss to the Seahawks. I think it was the greatest moment thus far in this young 2006 NFL season.

26. Green Bay Packers 0-2

I never thought I’d see Brett Favre lose two games in a row at Lambeau. Of course, that was 6 years ago when I figured Favre had 2 years left tops.

25. Washington Redskins 0-2

The ‘Skins offense has been atrocious, but you have to give them the benefit of the doubt. Portis is hurt, and Brunell’s been playing the whole year despite dying in Week 15 of last season. How terribly, terribly courageous.

24. Kansas City Chiefs 0-2

Now can people stop projecting partial season numbers over an entire year—as was done when Larry Johnson was predicted to rush for 2000+ yards—or is Chad Pennington actually going to throw for 5000 yards this year?

23. Miami Dolphins 0-2

I think Duante Culpepper is on the take. How he can go from having one of the top three QB seasons of all time in 2004 to what he is today is beyond explanation other than a Columbian drug cartel has kidnapped his daughter and he has to throw games for them so they can win some supplemental income (you know, extra money) to help out with the bills (because everyone knows nobody buys cocaine anymore) until John Matrix can save his daughter by telling Bennett to let off some steam. Sweet movie, man, fucking sweet movie.

22. Buffalo Bills 1-1

21. San Francisco 49ers 1-1

20. New Orleans Saints 2-0

I’m not fucking buying it.

19. Denver Broncos 1-1

18. St. Louis Rams 1-1

Both teams have won disgustingly ugly games and lost to teams they shouldn’t have (St. Louis to San Fran, and Denver to St. Louis, which is the only reason the Rams get the nod over the Broncos).

17. Arizona Cardinals 1-1

They would be higher if they had gone through with plans to name their stadium Pink Taco Stadium.

16. NY Jets 1-1

The Jets have looked as feisty as Suzy Kolber thus far. A shootout with Buffalo looms this week.

15. Carolina Panthers 0-2

“But they haven’t won!” you scream. “I’m scared of Panthers and black people and especially of black people wearing a black panther on their helmets!” my grandmother screams. To both of you I say the Panthers will not drop below 15 until they have 8 losses. They’ve pulled this shit before only to make anyone who has written them off (me) look like an asshole. Besides, Steve Smith hasn’t been in for them yet. Oh, and just a little FYI, put all of the money you and everyone you know has on the Panthers in their rematch with Atlanta. Smith doesn’t let people get away with complimenting him. What do you think he’s going to do to D’Angelo Hall after Hall talked shit when Smith couldn’t even play?

14. Pittsburgh Steelers 1-1

Bill Cowher and Jerry Porter engage in homosexual activity with each other, and it only strengthens the resolve of the team. So there you go, bigots of the world.

13. Dallas Cowboys 1-1

The Cowboys got outmanned by the manliest team in the NFL (Jacksonville) and then beat up on a corpse (Mark Brunell). It’s still too early to tell anything, except that TO vs. Philadelphia will be a non-event, thanks mostly to Bill Parcells smashing “the player’s” broken finger with a hammer if “the player” even thinks of doing anything “player” like.

11. NY Giants 1-1

11. Philadelphia Eagles 1-1

Really, the records should be NY .25-1.75 and Philly 1.75-.25 since Philly killed the Giants for three quarters. Seriously, though, Eli Manning, though not nearly the QB his brother is, has nuts Peyton only dreams about (and we can only hope that Peyton dreams about Eli’s massive sack).

10. Minnesota Vikings 2-0

I don’t know what to say except Brad Childress Mustache Rides better be the next sex scandal to come from this team.

9. Seattle Seahawks 2-0

Thanks a fucking lot, Shaun Alexander. Way to fucking mail it in after getting the big check. Fucking piece of shit has yet to produce anything for the Battered Roast Beefs (my fantasy team) or the Seahawks. And yet both teams are still 2-0. I somehow don’t see that lasting unless Shaun gets his act together.

8. New England Patriots 2-0

Sure, they barely beat two inferior teams, but those inferior teams were divisional opponents, who I’m told are the best kind of opponents. The Patriots never blow people out anyway.

5. Baltimore Ravens 2-0

5. Chicago Bears 2-0

5. San Diego Chargers 2-0

All three of these teams have blown out each of their first two opponents. It must be noted, however, that all of these teams’ opponents came from a pool including Oakland, Tennessee, Detroit, and Green Bay. I’m not saying these teams aren’t as good as they’ve been, but I am saying that it’s much more likely that they’re not.

4. Cincinnati Bengals 2-0

Chad Johnson is the most entertaining man playing sports today. I have no joke or anything. Just fact on this one.

3. Indianapolis Colts 2-0

Reggie Wayne + Marvin Harrison +Peyton Manning – Edgerrin James = 5000 yards passing for Peyton, who will then, if early season projections are correct, finish just behind Chad Pennington for the passing title.

2. Atlanta Falcons 2-0

The Falcons are the Bizarro Colts as Michael Vick will become the first quarterback to ever run for more yards than he passes for.

1. Jacksonville Jaguars 2-0

I know I said in my Monday Night log that I wouldn’t make knee-jerk reaction about the Jags, but facts are facts: they’re the only 2-0 team to beat two quality opponents, which means they’re the only team to beat two quality opponents since if you’re not a 2-0 team, you didn’t beat any two opponents, regardless of quality. And with that moment of clarity, I bid you a fucking adieu.