Ranking The "New" Browns Head Coaches (so far)

Where does he rank?

Before their move to Baltimore in 1995, the Cleveland Browns had employed 9 full-time head coaches over a 49-year span. Since their return in 1999, that count is 6, with the 7th being hired sometime in the next few weeks.  Before the next in the line of mediocre-to-terrible field generals is introduced, let's reflect on just how awful things actually have been, and who exactly has been the least awful.  Enjoy.

2013 NFL Mock Draft

Unlike past years, I know nearly nothing about this upcoming NFL Draft.  Therefore, this year's mock will serve only to the best possible outcome for the Cleveland Browns (at least in my eyes).

1st Round

1. Kansas City Chiefs-Luke Joeckel, OT, Texas A&M
2. Jacksonville Jaguars-Star Lotulelei, DT, Utah
3. Oakland Raiders-Sharrif Floyd, DT, Florida
4. Philadelphia Eagles-Dion Jordan, OLB, Oregon
5. Detroit Lions-Eric Fisher, OT, Central Michigan
6. Arizona Cardinals (via Cleveland for #7 & # #38)-Lane Johnson, OT, Oklahoma
7. Miami Dolphins (via Arizona through Cleveland for #12, #77, & #111)-Dee Milliner, CB, Alabama
8. Buffalo Bills-Geno Smith, QB, West Virginia
9. NY Jets-Chance Warmack, OG, Alabama
10. Tennessee Titans-Ezekiel Ansah, DE, BYU
11. San Diego Chargers-Jonathan Jenkins, DT, Georgia
12. Chicago Bears (via Miami with # 139 & #175 through Cleveland for # 20 & #50)-Jonathan Cooper, OG, North Carolina
13. NY Jets (via Tampa Bay)-Sylvester Williams, DT, North Carolina
14. Carolina Panthers-Sheldon Richardson, DT, Missouri
15. New Orleans Saints-Barkevious Mingo, DE/OLB, LSU
16. St. Louis Rams-Tavon Austin, WR, West Virginia
17. Pittsburgh Steelers-Cordarrelle Patterson, WR, Tennessee
18. Dallas Cowboys-Kenny Vaccaro, S, Texas
19. NY Giants-Margus Hunt, DE, SMU
20. Cleveland Browns (via Chicago)-Tyler Eifert, TE, Notre Dame
21. Cincinnati Bengals-Alex Ogletree, ILB, Georgia
22. St. Louis Rams (via Washington)-Eddie Lacy, RB, Alabama
23. Minnesota Vikings-D.J. Hayden, CB, Houston
24. Indianapolis Colts-Bjoern Werner, DE, Florida State
25. Minnesota Vikings (via Seattle)-DeAndre Hopkins, WR, Clemson
26. Green Bay Packers-Tank Carradine, DE, Florida State
27. Houston Texans-Justin Hunter, WR, Tennessee
28. Denver Broncos-Datone Jones, DE, UCLA
29. New England Patriots-Desmond Trufant, CB, Washington
30. Atlanta Falcons-Jarvis Jones, OLB, Georgia
31. San Francisco 49ers-Zach Ertz, TE, Stanford
32. Baltimore Ravens-Keenan Allen, WR, Cal

DREAM DRAFT FOR BROWNS

1 (20). Tyler Eifert, TE, Notre Dame
2 (38). Xavier Rhodes, CB, Florida State
2 (50). Damontre Moore, OLB, Texas A&M
3 (68). Larry Warford, OG, Kentucky
3 (77). EJ Manuel, QB, Florida State
4 (104). Phillip Thomas, S, Fresno State
5 (164). Kevin Reddick, ILB, North Carolina
7 (227). Jasper Collins, WR, Mount Union

Eifert gives Brandon Weeden a dangerous underneath target to complement Josh Gordon and Greg Little on the outside, while Rhodes provides a physical defensive backfield partner for Joe Haden.  Moore has consistency issues, but his tremendous upside is worth a shot at #50.  Warford fills a need, as does Thomas (I honestly have never heard of either of them).  Reddick is the kind of athletic underachiever UNC has been producing for years, while Collins is a local boy who will have a chance to work his way onto the field as a possession receiver.  EJ Manuel in the 3rd round would be neat, especially since Coach Chud seems pumped about him. I would be happy with this haul.  What do you guys think?

2012 Browns Draft Thoughts

This post was originally supposed to go up last Friday, but due to travel and familial commitments, I could not get it up until today.  I think it still is accurate, so enjoy.

The Cleveland Browns had their fans soaring as high as they have ever been since returning to the NFL following their selection of Trent Richardson in the first round of the 2012 NFL Draft. Finally, the most nondescript offense in the league would have an identity, and the Browns would have a marquee player for the first time since Bernie Kosar (and a marquee back since perhaps Jim Brown). Even though the Brownies had to trade up one spot (when it later became apparent that they probably didn't need to), Richardson was worth it (the draft party I was at seemed content with any bounty as long as it didn't include our #22 or #37 picks). The draft was already a win, and the bruising right tackle or speedy receiver added at #22 would be icing on the cake.

2012 NFL Mock Draft

Seven rounds.  253 selections. 6,902 words.  100 percent accuracy.  This is the ultimate in mock drafts, and is a perfect representation of exactly what will go down next week.  I am pretty satisfied with what the Browns are going to do, but maybe you disagree.  Let me know.  For the first three rounds, my pinpoint-accurate analysis follows every pick, while for the last four rounds, I saved my analysis for only the Browns' picks.  Print this off, or load it up on the I-Pad, because this is Gospel, and it deserves to be read on the toilet.  Enjoy.

[EDIT: I accidentally have Oklahoma cornerback Jamell Fleming being selected twice in the third round, first by Washington at 69 and then by Kansas City at 74.  Fixing it would mean re-doing the entire draft after that point, which I simply cannot do.  I feel like I've let you down, but I guess this is what happens when I try to mock every round over the course of two all-night writing session.  Hopefully that's the only mistake, but if there are more, please let me know.]

NFL Picks: Week 3

Sorry things have been so slow around here.  I'm getting back into the swing of things at school, so I probably won't be writing much until I get my feet under me (which might not ever happen, honestly).  Other than the time I need to spend reading and going to class and such, school has also robbed me of my elixir, the sweet, sweet nectar that is Ron Rico rum.  Without my muse, I'm afraid I'm lost, so this is going to be another quick post.  Home teams are in CAPS, the odds are Danny Sheridan's, and I've included an extremely hastily put-together Power Poll Rankings at the end.  Enjoy.

NFL Picks: Week 2

Holy shit.  I know I goof around about how awesome I am at picks, and then it's hilarious when I get a bunch wrong, but 5 correct picks?  Man.  As penance, I will try to restrict myself from getting too wordy this week and let the picks speak for themselves.  The home team is in CAPS, the lines are Danny Sheridan's, and the picks are most certainly not 100% correct.

All-MAC NFL Team

With the signing of Brad Maynard (boy, does he ever look like a straight up creeper!) to be the Browns' new punter, I discovered Maynard went to Ball State.  This is big news, as it means I can finally complete my All-MAC NFL team, comprised entirely of active players who attended college at a school that is in the MAC (or, in the cases of Asante Samuel and Chris Crocker, who attended college at a school that was in the MAC while they attended).  I think this team would do alright, although I'm not sure Chase Blackburn is a great fit at middle linebacker, nor if Jason Babin is an outside linebacker in the 4-3 defense I've built.  The secondary may also be a little suspect.  I still think this team could win the NFC West.  What do you think?

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In The Land: Week One

It's Power Poll Rankings time, son!  Get your Jager and meet me under the bridge!

NFL Picks: Week 1

This could be a long year.  First of all, I thought Mark Ingram was supposed to give the Saints the power back they needed?  I've never seen a running play stuffed as soundly as that last play was last night, and from the tepid way Ingram was hitting the hole, he wouldn't have scored even if the Packers hadn't guessed the play 100% correctly (it was like Mike McCarthy and Sean Payton both hit right and A in Tecmo Bowl).  Secondly, of the 15 games this Sunday and Monday, I picked eight underdogs, seven of which are on the road, which seems like a good way to dig myself an early hole in my picks competition against the universe.  Of course, if I'm wrong, I'm supposed to be, but if I'm right, I could be the best game-picker in the county!

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In The Land: Week Zero, Part 3

Finally, the 10 best teams in the league are here.  If you disagree, you are wrong.  This is truth, pure and undiluted.  Trying to deny it is trying to deny matter and energy.  You shall see.

(PART I)

(PART II)

10. New York Giants

A lot of people are down on the Giants this year, with Steve Smith gone to Philly, Kevin Boss gone to Oakland, uncertainty and turnover on the offensive line for the first time in years, and with a rash of injuries hitting an a seemingly non-stop rate.  Prince Amukamara, Justin Tuck, Jonathan Goff, and Osi Umenyiora are all out for week one, but I still feel confident the Giants can get back to the playoffs.  Eli Manning has thrown for over 4000 yards in back-to-back seasons, and his ridiculous interception rate (25 total, 4.6% of his pass attempts) should come back down to around league average, and Hakeem Nicks and Mario Manningham will do just fine without Smith and Boss.  The offensive line is in transition, but it is still talented across the board.  Losing both Tuck and Umenyiora would be a death knell for most clubs, but the Giants have Mathias Kiwanuka and Jason Pierre-Paul in reserve, who would both start for most teams.  The secondary will yet again be a problem, but Pierre-Paul and Kiwanuka should both exert enough pressure to keep things from reaching 2010 Houston Texans-level in pass defense.  Tom Coughlin's tenure in New York has been marked by its most successful seasons occurring when the rest of the league has written them off, and I like that trend to continue this season.

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams In The Land: Week Zero, part 2

And now, part two of my preseason power rankings...

(PART I)

20. Chicago Bears
The Bears offensive personnel finally fits the mold of a Mike Martz offense, but think San Francisco or Detroit Martz, not St. Louis Martz.  Tight end Greg Olsen has been jettisoned to Carolina, eliminating a talented target at a position that Martz has never seen the value in including in his game plans (for evidence of how badly Martz neglects his tight ends, look up Vernon Davis's stats during Martz's reign with the 49ers and then after Martz was let go).  The receiving corps is deep but lacks top shelf talent, while the offensive line will be porous once again, leaving Jay Cutler exposed in a system that feels no need to keep any backs around in the backfield to pick up blitzes.  Last year's 7th round pick, Marcus Webb, is the starting left tackle, which means Bears fans may be seeing Caleb Hanie featured prominently at quarterback.  Matt Forte has yet to live up to the massive promise he showed as a rookie, but, again, his offensive line isn't doing him any favors.  The defense should again be very solid, but Brian Urlacher seems due for an injury after making it through last year relatively unscathed.  Oh, and Lance Briggs wants a trade.  The Bears were out-gained in four of their wins last year, and they also were gifted that absurd opener when Calvin Johnson's game-winning touchdown was taken away due to the worst interpretation of a rule ever.  The luck runs out this year, and the Bears will find themselves in last place in their division for the first time since 2007.

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the 32 Best NFL Teams in the Land: Week Zero, part 1

The Indians are putting the final nails into their coffin versus Detroit, but I could care less, because the NFL season is upon us.  After getting a taste of football action last weekend on the collegiate gridiron, I am an open vessel eagerly awaiting Bengals at Browns to fill me with exhilaration, anxiety, and either angst or joy.  In order to prepare you (and myself) for the upcoming season, here's the first part of the first installment of my power rankings for you to consume, digest, and know in the most biblical of meanings.

Jer's Favorite Team This Week=My Least Favorite Fantasy Team Ever: A Fantasy Draft Retrospective

I love fantasy football drafts, or at least I used to.  Back when I was actually good at fantasy football, it was a blast stealing Chris Johnson and Ray Rice late in the draft while other suckers were taking Jamal Lewis and Rudi Johnson in the first round.  Now, though, I have lost my touch, and this year I am left with a team--Jer's Favorite Team This Week--full of players I hate.  If it wasn't for some late-round keeper possibilities, I would seriously consider punting on the season and ignoring my roster completely.  What went so wrong?  Join me as I attempt to find out.

2011 NFL Mock Draft: The Rest of The First Round

Due to some oversleeping on my part, I'm going to be able to continue the rest of my thrilling mock draft.  The top 10 can be found here, as well as an analogy to poor children and ribbons that has apparently made some uncomfortable.  Therefore, there are no creepy analogies today, but instead only imaginary, uninformed draft picks!

2011 NFL Mock Draft: The Top 10

Hey gang!  It's late April, so that can only mean it's time for your favorite time of the year.  That's right, the 4th Annual Diminishing Skills Mock Draft!!!  Due to severe time constraints that leave me with little to no sleep each night, I'm unfortunately limiting this initial post to the top 10, which--even more unfortunately--may very well be the extent of this year's mock.  So, just as poor children learn to cherish the few shiny buttons and smooth ribbons they sneak from the art room at school to rub their cheeks against in their beds that they share with their 3 siblings, their mom, her mom, and their 8 cats, cherish these precious few trinkets of smooth, smooth wisdom.

A Joke

A joke my dad told me:

"So, the Browns find themselves at the end of their rope by the end of next season.  McCoy isn't the answer, and Holmgren and the front office brass aren't sure who is, so they gather up the scouting department and issue an edict to scour the Earth for a quarterback.  They send scouts all over the country, to every college and nearly every high school, up into Canada, down into Mexico, across Europe, and even into China and India.  While in India, a frazzled scout nearly at the end of his rope gets word of an Afghani teenager who is single-handedly keeping the Taliban at bay in his village.  The story goes that Taliban warriors seized control of a six-story security tower in the middle of the village and began sniping people from above, so this kid lobbed a grenade six stories straight up, right into their laps, killing them all.  Then, even more amazingly, the kid took it upon himself to eliminate a hijacked personnel carrier the Taliban were using to mow villagers down with machine-gun fire by throwing a grenade 200 yards on a line straight into the passenger-side window.  After seeing tape of the kid's heroics, the scout knew he had his man.  After finally tracking the Afghani hero down, the scout loaded him on a plane and returned to Cleveland.

Fast-forward two years.  The kid turns out to be a natural leader, and an even more natural quarterback, and he ends up leading the Browns to a Super Bowl victory.  After being named Super Bowl MVP, he calls his mother.  'Mama! Mama! I did it! I'm Super Bowl champion!'

'Enough with this!' the boy's mother exclaims, nearly in tears. 'I don't want to hear another word about football or the Super Bowl!'

'But mama,' the boy stammers, amazed at his mother's scorn. 'Football and the Super Bowl have made us wealthy, and have risen me to the pinnacle of Western culture!'

'Well, they can keep it!' his mother cries.  'Ever since you signed with these Browns, your brother's been kidnapped, your sister's been raped, and I can't even go to the market without fearing that I will return and my home will be ransacked again.  Why, oh why, did you make us move to Cleveland?!!'" 

Super Bowl Facts: Passing

 Before I dive in to today's Passing Facts, I just wanted to mention a couple of things I forgot to mention in the Rushing Facts post.

• In the past 10 Super Bowls, no running back has been named MVP.  The last time a running back won was 1997, when Terrell Davis led the Denver Broncos to victory in Super Bowl XXXII.  In fact, dating back to 1990, only 3 running backs have been awarded the Pete Rozelle Trophy: Davis, Emmitt Smith (XXVIII), and Ottis Anderson (XXV).
• Both the Green Bay Packers and Pittsburgh Steelers have had rushers tote the ball at least 20 times in every game they've played this postseason.  The Packers' James Stark has carried the ball 23, 27, and 22 times in each of his games, while Pittsburgh's Rashard Mendehall has games of 20 and 27 carries.  
• The Saints and the Colts had no back carry the ball more than 20 times in last season's road to the Super Bowl, while the Steelers again had two (Willie Parker, 27, 24) and the Cardinals had one (Edgerrin James, 20) in the 2009 playoffs.  

With that out of the way, on to today's Facts.  Oh, I also forgot to mention in the previous post that I'm only going over the previous 10 Super Bowls.  As much as I'd love to comb through all 44 of the previous games, I simply don't have the time.  Maybe next year.

Super Bowl Facts: Rushing

• In the past 10 Super Bowls, there have been only 5 players who have rushed the ball more than 20 times.  The leader is Michael Pittman with 29 attempts in Tampa Bay's 48-21 shellacking of Oakland in Super Bowl XXXVII, followed by Jamal Lewis's 27 (XXV), Antowain Smith's 26 (XXXVIII), Dominic Rhodes's 21 (XLI), and Shaun Alexander's 20 (XL).  Every player but Alexander was part of a winning effort.
• The lowest number of rushing attempts to lead a team during that same stretch is Charlie Garner's 7 in Super Bowl XXXVII.  The Raiders as a team attempted only 11 rushes on the day.  The only other teams that failed to have an individual carry the ball at least 10 times include the 2009 Arizona Cardinals (Edge James, 9), and last year's Saints (Pierre Thomas, 9).  The Saints, of course, are the only team of the three to win.
• No player has rushed for more than one touchdown in a single Super Bowl during the past 10 games.  In fact, only 10 rushing touchdowns have been scored total, by all teams, in the past 10 Super Bowls, two of which were scored by quarterbacks (Kurt Warner, XXXVI; Ben Roethlisberger, XL [although Big Ben's TD should probably be credited to the refs]). 
• The highest single-game rushing total belongs to Pittman, with 124 yards.  Only 3 other players eclipsed the century-mark: Jamal Lewis (101, XXXV); and Dominic Rhodes (113) and Thomas Jones (112, on an impressive 15 carries), both in Super Bowl XLI.
• The lowest single-game rushing total (by a running back) belongs to Gary Russell, who ran for -3 yards on 2 carries in Super Bowl XLIII (but did manage to fall into the end zone).  The lowest total by a back with at least 10 carries is Mike Alstott's 15 yards on 10 carries in the oft-mentioned Super Bowl XXXVII.  Like Russell, Alstott also found his way into the end zone. 
• Only 3 backs carried the ball more than 10 times in two seperate Super Bowls: Antowain Smith, Willie Parker, and Joseph Addai.  Smith leads all rushers in the past decade with 175 total yards, followed by Addai's 154, and Parker's 146.  Strangely, Addai has rushed for exactly 77 yards in both of his Super Bowl appearances. 
• In the past 3 Super Bowls, no back has carried the ball more than 14 times, which both Brandon Jacobs and Laurence Maroney did against each other in Super Bowl XLII.  In the past 2 Super Bowls, only one back in each game carried the ball at least 10 times (Parker, 10, XLIII; Addai, 13, XLIV).
• The only team with more than one rushing touchdown in a single game was the 2005 Steelers, who got touchdowns from Willie Parker and Ben Roethlisberger.

Browns sign YouTube star

From Shutdown Corner:

"Based on that video alone, the Browns gave Reinders a call and signed him as an undrafted free agent. You know who the Browns didn't call and sign as an undrafted free agent? The guy Reinders blocks in the very first highlight."

I don't know much about how an offensive tackle is supposed to look on film or what Joel Reinders's blocking assignments actually were, but it sure did seem like he missed a lot of blocks.  Maybe in three years he'll be protecting Colt McCoy's blindside, but I'm not going to count on it. 

carltonmitchell.net

While perusing the results of the Browns day three draft, I found myself Googling each selection (since ESPN offers some pretty weak analysis).  I looked up safety Larry Asante on CBS Sportsline and learned he is a converted linebacker who started his career at a junior college before landing in Nebraska (the Browns certainly do seem to value run-support ability in their safeties).  Then I looked up wide receiver Carlton Mitchell out of South Florida, and the number two result was something called carltonmitchell.net. 

I was blown away.  How awesome is it that our 6th round pick has his own website?  And that the main page of that site is a chart explaining how by the year 2021 he will be the second best receiver in the NFL (and will be the best from 2015 to 2018). 

Now I know Mike Holmgren and Tom Heckert and Eric Mangini probably scouted Mitchell and did all the work necessary to make sure he was a good fit for the team, but I like to hope that they went to his website, looked at that chart, and decided they had to take the league's number one receiver (circa 2015).

Welcome to Cleveland, Carlton.  You are my new favorite rookie.