A joke my dad told me:
"So, the Browns find themselves at the end of their rope by the end of next season. McCoy isn't the answer, and Holmgren and the front office brass aren't sure who is, so they gather up the scouting department and issue an edict to scour the Earth for a quarterback. They send scouts all over the country, to every college and nearly every high school, up into Canada, down into Mexico, across Europe, and even into China and India. While in India, a frazzled scout nearly at the end of his rope gets word of an Afghani teenager who is single-handedly keeping the Taliban at bay in his village. The story goes that Taliban warriors seized control of a six-story security tower in the middle of the village and began sniping people from above, so this kid lobbed a grenade six stories straight up, right into their laps, killing them all. Then, even more amazingly, the kid took it upon himself to eliminate a hijacked personnel carrier the Taliban were using to mow villagers down with machine-gun fire by throwing a grenade 200 yards on a line straight into the passenger-side window. After seeing tape of the kid's heroics, the scout knew he had his man. After finally tracking the Afghani hero down, the scout loaded him on a plane and returned to Cleveland.
Fast-forward two years. The kid turns out to be a natural leader, and an even more natural quarterback, and he ends up leading the Browns to a Super Bowl victory. After being named Super Bowl MVP, he calls his mother. 'Mama! Mama! I did it! I'm Super Bowl champion!'
'Enough with this!' the boy's mother exclaims, nearly in tears. 'I don't want to hear another word about football or the Super Bowl!'
'But mama,' the boy stammers, amazed at his mother's scorn. 'Football and the Super Bowl have made us wealthy, and have risen me to the pinnacle of Western culture!'
'Well, they can keep it!' his mother cries. 'Ever since you signed with these Browns, your brother's been kidnapped, your sister's been raped, and I can't even go to the market without fearing that I will return and my home will be ransacked again. Why, oh why, did you make us move to Cleveland?!!'"