Friday, October 23, 2009

NFL Picks: Week 7

While living in a white trash, backwards ass town in the middle of nowhere certainly has its drawbacks, every once in a while a shiny gem emerges.  For instance, on my way home from work this evening (actually, morning; I get off at midnight), I nearly ran over an overweight drunk kid riding a (Pow! Pow!) Power Wheels down the middle of the street.  I've never seen someone having so much fun.  A gem such as this cannot be pulled from my horrible week 6, however.  All I can do is regroup and rub my Troll doll's head a little harder.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

College Football Picks 10/22/2009

Wow.  I haven't felt this low since the morning after I wrangled that buffalo at Shooters.  Like my dad always says, though, "Reeking of sloppy fat girl pussy in the morning is still better than reeking of handsome man asshole in the morning," so I'm going to follow his lead and take the moldy old lemons of last week's picks and squeeze them into some make-you-rich lemonade.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

NFL Picks: Week 6 (Rushed Edition)

I slept in, so the time I had allocated for writing this post was instead spent dreaming of rollercoaster rides with my dad (a recurring dream).  I actually did quite well winging it last week, so maybe it's better I don't have time to think again.

NFL 2009 Quarter Pole Report

With a little over a quarter of the season in the books, I thought it would be a good time to check in on how things are shaping up in the NFL, both by looking back at what I got right and wrong coming into the season and what we can expect going forward.  As the flea said to the tick, dig in.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

College Football Picks 10/14/2009: Information Overload Edition

Wow.  This is shaping up to be one hell of a weekend of football.  Thank God I get to go to another wedding.  Since I was kind of late getting back from the last one I went to, I didn't get to do my college football recap on Monday.  Therefore, my predicted lines and this week's WHAM Rankings (which I plan on running every Monday) will be included along with this week's picks.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

NFL Power Poll Rankings of the Best 32 NFL Teams In The Land: Week 5

Unfortunately, during my whirlwind weekend in New York, I failed to catch one second of football.  Is that going to stop me from arbitrarily ranking NFL teams?  Of course not (does that look like a man who needs to see football to know football?).  Nothing can stop the POWER POLL!

Thursday, October 08, 2009


Some morsels to chew on this weekend:


Austin Carr Soundboard!  (via BigSlow)

Matty Will's picks

I am back this week to show you all that I am the real deal, Ha Ha!

# 4 LSU (+8.5) over #1 Florida
Predicted line: Florida by 6.5

MattyWill: LSU +8.5

Colorado (+32) over #2 TEXAS
Predicted line: Texas by 19.5

Matty Will: Texas -32

#3 Alabama (-6.5) over #20 OLE MISS
Predicted line: Alabama by 8

Matty Will: Bama -6.5

Boston College (+13.5) over #5 VIRGINIA TECH
Predicted line: Virginia Tech by 4.5

Matty Will: BC +13.5

Wisconsin (+14) over #9 OHIO STATE
Predicted line: Ohio State by 6

Matty Will: Ohio State -14

#10 TCU (-10) over AIR FORCE
Predicted line: TCU by 11

Matty Will: TCU -10

Michigan (+8) over #12 IOWA
Predicted line: Iowa by 3

Matty Will: Mich +8

#13 Oregon (-6) over UCLA
Predicted line: Oregon by 12

Matty Will: Oregon -6 LOCK IT UP

#15 Oklahoma State (no line) over TEXAS A&M
Predicted line: Oklahoma State by 9
I don't really know why there isn't a line for this game. I'll try to update this pick once there is one, though.

Matty Will: Texas AM +pts

#16 KANSAS (-20) over Iowa State
Predicted line: Kansas by 16.5

Matty Will: Kan -20

#17 Auburn (-3) over ARKANSAS
Predicted line: Auburn by 2

Matty Will: Auburn -3

#18 BRINGHAM YOUNG (-16) over UNLV
Predicted line: BYU by 23

MattyWill: UNLV +16

#19 OKLAHOMA (-25) over Baylor
Predicted line: Oklahoma by 14

MattyWill: Baylor +25

#21 Nebraska (-3) over #24 MISSOURI
Predicted line: Nebraska by 4 (I forgot to predict this line in my college recap, but I swear I picked this line before I looked at the real line.)

MattyWill: Missou +3

#22 Georgia Tech (+2.5) over FLORIDA STATE
Predicted line: Georgia Tech by 6.5

MattyWIll: Gtech +2.5

#25 SOUTH CAROLINA (-11) over Kentucky

Matty Will: Kentucky +11

NFL Picks: Week 5 (On My Way To The Big Apple Edition)

I'm literally on my way out the door to NYC for a wedding, so these picks are going to have to be quick. (Maybe I'll do better just winging it.)

Diminishing Skills Presents...The 1st Ever Edition of the WHAM Rankings

Everybody knows how shitty the college polling system is.  Most of the pollsters don't even see half of the teams they're voting for play, and the whole thing is based on a poll taken before the season even starts.  So I decided to do my own poll, but instead of just making stuff up like I do with my NFL Power Poll Rankings, I decided to break things down scientific like and actually put some thought into this.  What follows is a summation of my work.  Teams were rated on four main criteria, including:

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

College Football Picks 10/7/2009

It's official: I'm a coin flip.  If you want to read picks by a guy who spends way (waaaaaayyyyy) more time on this than I do, go here.  I know he knows his shit, because he called me stupid for guessing that Penn State would be favored by 18.5 over Illinois this past weekend (the actual line was 6.5, but did anybody else notice the actual margin of victory?).  The killers this week were Oklahoma, Houston, and BYU (Utah State scored with 3 seconds left to beat the spread), while Cincinnati continued the lock of the week curse.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Power Poll Rankings of the Best 32 NFL Teams In The Land: Week 4

I wasted nearly five hours watching the Browns lose, missed the epic Monday night showdown in Minnesota, and lost my second straight fantasy week.  My enthusiasm for the NFL is at a season-low, but here's some Power Poll Rankings for you anyway.

More Of Me For You To Read...Again

I have a new post up at Herm's Perm.  It's the first edition of my weekly NFL post for them, so let me know what you think.  And if you're wondering, the NFL Power Poll Rankings will be up later today.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Lost Money and Earned Regrets: College Football Recap Week 5

For the first time this season, all five top 5 schools survived.  The big upset was UTEP exploding on Houston, while Miami bounced back from their trouncing at the hands of Virginia Tech to hold off the Sooners at home.

Friday, October 02, 2009

More of Me For You To Enjoy

Just in case you haven't gotten enough of me yet, I am also going to be writing for Herm's Perm, a blog run by two dudes from Kansas.  They're pretty funny cats, so make sure you check them out, and you can read my first post for them here.

NFL Picks: Week 4

I was feeling it last week.  If I had remembered that Matt Hasselbeck was out, that tally would be 11-5 (although the 'Hawks almost pulled it out for me anyway).  While I missed the two games he gave me shit about (Seattle and Tampa Bay), I want my old buddy Tim to keep his eye on the dollar bills as I make it rain with my winnings.

College Football Picks 10/1/2009: MattyWill Edition

#3 Alabama (-17) at Kentucky
MattyWill: 'Bama (-17)  This spread should be way higher. Does Vegas really think Kentucky will slow down this offense? LOCK.
My Pick: Alabama

#4 LSU (+3) at #18 Georgia
MattyWill: LSU (+3) I have no clue on this game; I am taking the points.
My Pick: LSU

#6 Virginia Tech (-16.5) at Duke
MattyWill: VaTech (-16.5) Thaddieus Lewis is my Heisman candidate but I look for V-Tech to keep it rolling in Durham!
My Pick: Virginia Tech

#7 USC (-4.5) at #24 California
MattyWill: CAL (+4.5) I thought Cal would be the team to beat USC in the PAC 10 but with that showing last week I'm not so confident but will stick by my pick!
My Pick: USC

#8 Oklahoma (-7) at #17 Miami
MattyWill: Oklahoma (-7) What a whooping Vatech put on Miami; they are still feeling it.
My Pick: Oklahoma

#9 Ohio State (-16.5) at Indiana
MattyWill: Ohio State (-16.5)  Indiana played Michigan tough but I don't see this game being close.  Ohio State's defense is tearing it up.  Hopefully T. Pryor uses his legs!
My Pick: Ohio State

#10 Cincinnati (-28) at Miami (OH)
MattyWill: Cincinnati (-28) A lot of points but I see a whoopin' here! LOCK.
My Pick: Cincinnati

SMU (+27.5) at #11 TCU
MattyWill: TCU (-27.5) I see a 4td or more win!
My Pick: SMU

#12 Houston (-16.5) at UTEP
MattyWill: Houston (-16.5)  I am on the wagon and I like this spread. 17pts wins it!
My Pick: Houston

Arkansas State (+20.5) at #13 Iowa
MattyWill: Iowa (-20.5) Iowa should be amped up coming back home after a victory at Happy Valley. Their defense is all over the field; hopefully they can score 3tds. 21-0 final?
My Pick: Iowa

#15 Penn State (-6.5) at Illinois
MattyWill: Penn State (-6.5) Has Penn State given up this year? Have they covered a game this year? I look for Penn State to show up and beat Juice by more than a TD.
My Pick: Penn State

Washington State (+32) at #16 Oregon
MattyWill: Oregon (-32) I don't like USC's offense.  It isn't the offense of past years. Oregon rolled last week and I look for them to do it again this week!
My Pick: Washington State

Utah State (+24.5) at #20 BYU
MattyWill: Utah State (+24.5) Maybe, just maybe!
My Pick: BYU

#21 Ole Miss (-9.5) at Vanderbilt
MattyWill: Vandy (+9.5)  Thought Ole miss was the real deal until they went to SC.  I'm taking the points!
My Pick: Vanderbilt

#22 Michigan (pick) at Michigan State
MattyWill: Michigan (pick) Michigan finds a way!
My Pick: Michigan

#25 Georgia Tech (-4.5) at Mississippi State
MattyWill: G Tech (-4.5)  They finally showed up to play last week! Maybe they will stay in the rankings this week!
My Pick: Georgia Tech

Matty Will: 16-24-2
Me: 19-21-2

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Dr. Mangenius or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying About the Browns and Jump On the Bengals Bandwagon

Cleveland Browns Stadium, Monday, October 13, 2008

Sitting in the best seats I will ever sit in for a sporting event (50 yard-line, club box), sipping on expensive Bass beers, and enjoying the company of my father and his two friends, I witnessed the greatest Cleveland Browns performance of the expansion era. The 1-3 Browns, coming off a bye that-- were it not for an ugly week 4 win over Cincinnati--could have been the end of the line for head coach Romeo Crennel and struggling starting QB Derek Anderson, defeated the defending Super Bowl champions and previously undefeated New York Giants--who also came into the game with an 11-game road winning streak (tied for 2nd longest ever)--35-14. In hindsight, the score is shocking, but even leading up to the game no one would have believed it.