(Pow! Pow!) Power Wheels down the middle of the street. I've never seen someone having so much fun. A gem such as this cannot be pulled from my horrible week 6, however. All I can do is regroup and rub my Troll doll's head a little harder.
Lock of the Week (Philadelphia): 0-1
Locks of the Week (New England, Jacksonville, Baltimore, NY Giants, Philly): 2-3
As always, the home team is in CAPS, the lines are Danny Sheridan's, and the picks are 100% correct. Also, I predicted the lines like I do with my college picks, just because I enjoy it so very, very much (and holy hell are NFL lines easier to guess than college spreads).
HOUSTON (-3) over San Francisco
Predicted line: Texans by 3
San Fran is coming off the bye, Frank Gore is making his return, and Michael Crabtree is making his debut. The Texans, though, are going to get their statement win to show that they are a legit playoff contender.
Green Bay (-7) over CLEVELAND
Predicted line: Green Bay by 11
I was all ready to pick the Browns in this one until I saw how low the line is. What has Cleveland shown that would lead Vegas to believe they can put up more of a fight than Detroit did last week against the Packers? Do they think Josh Cribbs is going to run back 3 kicks for scores (which he'd have to do, because even if he only ran one back and two more within the Green Bay 20, the Browns would still only get 10 points for their efforts).
San Diego (-4.5) over KANSAS CITY
Predicted line: San Diego by 5
San Diego looks bad, but the Chiefs are bad. Watch out for Matt Cassel's garbage time TDs, though. They may blow the Chargers' cover.
Indianapolis (-13) over ST. LOUIS
Predicted line: Colts by 14
This should be my lock of the week, but for some reason my gut is telling me this is going to be one of those games where Peyton Manning just manages the clock, eats up oodles of time, and the Colts win 14-6 (which is exactly what happens every time the Colts play the Browns).
Minnesota (+4) over PITTSBURGH
Predicted line: Pittsburgh by 3
If the Steelers turn the ball over 4 times against the Vikings, this one could be a blowout. For my fantasy team's sake, here's hoping Adrian Peterson and Rashard Mendenhall engage in an 80-yard touchdown run showdown.
Tampa Bay (+14.5) over New England (in London)
Predicted line: New England by 15
On terrible turf, in horrific London weather, I think even Bill Belichick will call off the dogs and pull his starters if this thing is well in hand by the third quarter (which it should be).
OAKLAND (+6) over New York Jets
Predicted line: NY Jets by 6
Oakland's defense looked mean against the Eagles last week, and Mark Sanchez may be having an early crisis of confidence.
CAROLINA (-7) over Buffalo
Predicted line: Carolina by 5
DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart should be able to run all over the Bills defense, and Ryan Fitzpatrick should take care of the rest. The only wild card is Jake Delhomme facing a Bills pass D that has already coaxed career worst days out of Derek Anderson and Mark Sanchez. Could we possibly see a 9 interception day?
Chicago (+1.5) over CINCINNATI
Predicted line: Cincinnati by 1
Chicago doesn't really inspire any confidence in me, but the Bengals may be done after losing Antwan Odom for the year.
Atlanta (+4) over DALLAS
Predicted line: Dallas by 1
So Vegas is telling me that on a neutral field, Dallas is one point better than the Falcons? Has anyone watched these two teams play? Such disrespect has forced me into going with my first ever underdog LOCK OF THE WEEK.
MIAMI (+6) over New Orleans
Predicted line: New Orleans by 4
The Dolphins have already proven adept at keeping the ball out of the hands of explosive quarterbacks. The bigger question is if the Miami defense can keep said explosive quarterback from scoring every 30 seconds.
Arizona (+8) over NEW YORK GIANTS
Predicted line: NY Giants by 8
The winds should be howling in the Meadowlands, which should mean the re-emergence of mediocre Eli Manning, which, when taken into consideration with Arizona's surprisingly stout run defense, point loudly to a Cardinals upset.
Philadelphia (-7) over WASHINGTON
Predicted line: Philadelphia by 7
Philly looked like a mess last week, but do you remember what happened last year following their debacle in Baltimore? EXACTLY!*
*If you don't remember, the Eagles curb-stomped the Cardinals 48-20.