Tuesday, August 07, 2007

The Mighty Quinn has arrived (finally)

Brady Quinn finally signed with the Browns today, and all I have to say is why bother? Why not just make him sit out the rest of camp? He's so far behind now that what's the difference, right? But since that didn't happen, let's take a look into the crystal ball and see how Quinn's new five-year, $20 million contract (which could turn into $30 million, with incentives) will play out.


Quinn won’t even see the field before the third preseason game, as Coach Romeo Crennel proved that he will punish rookie holdouts during Braylon Edwards’s rookie season. At about the ten game mark, with the Browns out of the playoff race and Crennel fired, Quinn will be thrown into the fire, and will show incremental improvement every week, giving the Browns and their fans a glimmer of hope for the next season. During the off-season, Quinn will act like a queer.


Quinn will pick up where he left off, justifying the Browns surrendering a top-5 pick to Dallas for his rights. The Browns get off to a surprising start, and Quinn is the talk of the NFL. After two weeks of this, everyone in America is sick of it and now hate the Browns for being good and getting attention (unlike before, when America hated the Browns for sucking ass and being a joke to the national media). The Browns just miss the playoffs, but Quinn is playing at a Pro Bowl-level by the end of the season. During the off-season, Quinn will act like a douche.


Quinn will holdout of training camp, demanding that he be paid like the Pro Bowler he played like at the end of the previous season (but is not actually, since he didn’t make the Pro Bowl). After missing the first two and half weeks of camp and drawing the ire of fans and teammates alike, Quinn will sign a seven-year, $80 million extension. He will then blow out his knee in his first preseason appearance, putting the rest of his career in question. During the press-conference announcing the devastating news, Quinn will cry uncontrollably, and not only when he is talking, but when others are as well, until eventually the entire room goes silent, waiting for him to compose himself (which he does after another 10-15 minutes).


Quinn will miss the entire year rehabbing. When he is not in the gym or in the tape room, he will act like complete Clown Shoes.


Quinn will report to camp in fantastic shape, but will have to compete with last year’s starter, Drew Stanton, who won fans over with his gunslinger ways in Quinn’s absence. Neither QB will gain an edge on the other, and the Browns enter the season with Quinn as the starter, but Stanton just as deserving. Cleveland will be split into two camps, either pro-Quinn or pro-Stanton, reminding those with a memory span longer than two years of the Tim Couch vs. Kelly Holcomb debate. I will then kill myself. (Also, Brady Quinn will act like a complete queer who smells vinegary like a douche and will wear a big pair of ridiculous Clown Shoes.)


  1. Do you have any pics with Quinn spreading his ass open?

  2. If I could take pictures of my jack off fantasies I would.

  3. Ok you know what canaan, you are just like every other Browns fan! Holdouts happen bro, I remember hearing that you liked what the Browns did and picked Brady Quinn at 22, he holds out and your bashing him! Cleveland Fans never give their players a fricking shot! They mess up and thats it, Couch got booed right out of cleveland not because he couldn't play but because their line was awful! you people up north need to change man, Even if Quinn did pull off a pro-bowl first year you and many others will still find something wrong with him! Listen, hes a Cleveland Brown now! If you dont like the Browns or the players pack up your shit and move to Montana bro, enjoy watching football up there!! If the guy sucks his first year so be it, you all need to learn not to run him out of the city! Sorry not all players are equipped with god giving talent like your USC trojans or Tim Duncan, shit happens canaan! So tell all your buddies up in Ohio relax and stop predicting horrible outcomes! Sit back and see what happens, don't come on here and talk about a shitty future for quinn just because he held out! It happens Bra, Start Barking or start Packing for Montana Bra, because the sun aint setting on these dawgs - Have faith bra! And Russ, you wouldn't say that shit about your boy Bernie huh? Bernie couldn't beat Elway and the Broncos, Bernie never won a championship for the Browns, I don't see you asking for pictures of him spreading his ass! pack up your shit and tally along with C-dog! Support Brady Quinn and other Browns Players! Later Bra's

  4. Jeez, matt, I think you wrote more than is in the actual post. I want him to do well, and I'll cheer my ass for him. But he is a douchebag, and needs to be called such.

  5. Do you think these guys like Brady Quinn???

  6. Hey Matt leave Bernie out of this. Of course I would never say anything negative about that god among men Bernie Kosar. Don't forget that Bernie does have his own song and Elway does not!

    Brady Quinn has his own music video though.

    And yes I am happy we have Quinn but he also has to earn the fans respect. I support all Cleveland Browns players! Woof Woof Woof Dawg Pound is in the house!

    I can't wait to see the Crippler Kamerion Wimbley break Damon Huard in half durring the first play of the preseason game on Saturday.